It wasn’t me, it wasn’t me who stopped believing. Mind, thinking past us- dreaming of dreams that only included you. It wasn’t me, looking in your eyes night after night uncertain whether I was lying in the wrong bed in the wrong set of arms. Betraying the pace of my heart, mistaking your words to justify my actions. It wasn’t me at all. Was it me? That lost sight of forever the first time the lights went off. That ran from the fight and chose flight. Fearful of pain so you became hurt. It was you, not me who questioned every answer; sold me feelings instead of faith. Yet, you blamed me. You said I wasn’t dedicated to our success. Then what were all those late night arguments about? How did I kiss you with such passion? Why did I lift all your frowns to see you smile? Tell me, why did I spend my days spinning your negative thoughts into positive outcomes. I am confident- I gave you 100%. But, I am sure you can’t look in the mirror and reflect the same sentiments. I still Love you. I can remember the smell of your hair. Your laughter ringing in my ears, but your heart never matched mine. But it was me??!!
Ribs touching, throwing up blood; he hasn’t eaten in three days. Skinny enough to fly four blocks in the winter. Hand out, watching one person pass after another. People numb to his struggle because every street corner has someone with the same story. Most don’t see death when their eyes lock with his-they see their own mortality; shit, I see my own morality. “My dollars aren’t going in someone’s veins. I am not going to support his habit.” Lifting my feet, stepping over him like a stray dog. Neck doesn’t even reverse to look back. I didn’t even offer him half of the slice I’m eating. Is he homeless or am I????
My elders have always told me, “Your personality will repel most because only great people will understand you.” They said, “Leadership is a lonely road; while you’re out in front, you see things others can’t behind you.” I laughed, because at the time I was sixty deep, running the streets- an addict of violence. Once I changed my vice and Love became my addiction, the same people that followed me into a bullet, refused to follow me into putting safeties on those guns. The widsom of my elders seen my future, and now I am the one being laughed at. But I see the path…. ~AmazinglyBrash~
She lies in my arms watching the stars from a 22 story building. A breeze enters the window as the moon disappears behind the cloud. She takes a deep breath, letting me know she feels happy and safe. The silence says so much about our connection. The sound of the city has romantized the moment. We are experiencing Love- pure, great, Love. And life isn’t enough!!!! ~AmazinglyBrash~
I am able to inhale again. I am able to take in the scent of life once more. I put my heart into someone, breathing only for themselves. I counted their beats hoping they were counting mine, just to find out we had the same number. I fought the bitterness of heart break and came out heartfelt. Dedication is a virtue I shared and will share again. Devotion is what I gave and will once more. I died and came back to life. I will find forever this time….My confidence is renewed and my faith is restored. I’m exhaling, knowing I will inhale again….
She swallows- pride circulates her belly. He surfaces with another face attached to his. He has done this before, but not for the public to see. Divorce seems unrealistic to a house wife, though she dreamt of a life which didn’t consist of sharing. She continues to smile, arguing with anyone who tells her that she doesn’t have to stand for his adultery. She yells, “I Love that man, he’s a great man.” She believes this because if she doesn’t, it means she has failed. She has married her life to a lie, so she hides the truth until it becomes actual. She’s another hopeful other, wishing!!!! ~AmazinglyBrash~
Look in the mirror, do you see the man you want your daughter to marry? Are you the man you want your son to become? If the answer is yes to both of those questions, you are a father! You have thrown boyish wants away for the needs of a man. You stopped thinking of yourself and invested in another. You are a parent- Welcome to fatherhood. Today we honor the pleasures we were given, from the eye watering rewards of their first steps, first words, to the first dance; all the first’s leading to the seconds our children become us. We can sit back and watch our reflections mirror the roles we modeled. Happy Father’s day….~AmazinglyBrash~